im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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