So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
