why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
