Is it because I queefed?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
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If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
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I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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