is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
