After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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