Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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