You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
