i permit you to call me
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
