i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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