just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
