There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
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