Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
