OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
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I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
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I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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