you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
