You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
