We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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