Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
