Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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