final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
