never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
