Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
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I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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