I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
