Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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