I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
