I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
