I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
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