theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
