he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
