Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
