Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
My breasts were aching with rage.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
