I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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