K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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