Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
