My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
