I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
