i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
