i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
