I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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