I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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