I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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