...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
