Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
