So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
