i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
