Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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