apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
