The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
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If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
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I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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