Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
