Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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