You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
