Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
