if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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