You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
