Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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