And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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