I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I want her autograph on my taint
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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