you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I look better un-naked...
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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