i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
