wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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