Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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