In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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