May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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