I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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