Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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