So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
