Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
