Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
