you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
