no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
