It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
