I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
